My Story

This is my story. It is real, it is hard. It is the most difficult thing I have yet encountered.

(A basic documentation of events. I can't explain deep thoughts and emotions- I hold them closely and preserve them for my posterity alone.)

Micah is born. A most wonderful occasion. A day and a half later, I leave the hospital with what is normal post-pregnancy symptoms. 5 days after birth, my milk comes in. MACK truck! My doctor was right. My pregnancy was the easiest part, it was "the after" I had to brace myself for. It was for real. I was hit by a Semi- pain and more pain. Unlike any RA I have ever experienced previous. My mom was in town and helping with the transition of it all. Chad stayed close to my side and managed all of the details. Immediately I was put on prednisone, to which my body did not respond. After the dosage was raised several times, my Rheumy decided that we needed to switch meds. I had to quit nursing as I was taking meds and painkillers that were not safe for the baby & needed to allow my body to normalize.


By the 3rd week, my doc was back in town and I was on a new steroid. I was starting to feel the benefits of it after a few doses. We decided that we would move forward with our plan to bless Micah over the Labor Day wknd. so we called family. The steroids bought me some time. After two months, I got behind the wheel and experienced one of the little freedoms we don't think about much, driving. I was tapered off the steroids from a high dose to none, rather quickly. After one week, I hit the pavement again. My younger sis had come in town a second time to help. Chad took me into the ER cause there was no relief. We knew the routine... steroids and morphine until I could stand, and then discharge. This only helps for 48 hrs. I quickly spiraled downward and was locked in pain. Chad's touch was too much. We tried and tried to get me out of bed to the bathroom, and just couldn't. I was dehydrated but had to pee constantly because of the steroids and saline. In the night, Chad called the ambulance. The men were very kind. "We have never seen seen anyone this young, so bad with this condition". (Thank you for the validation of my current state of being) After some attempts with the needle, and no luck, they stuck morphine into my shoulder so they could move me. They lifted me in my sheet and transferred me to the gurney, then to the ambulance. They were very gentle on the road to keep me as comfortable as possible. The same routine in the ER, this being my 3rd visit.


Upon my discharge, I was placed on steroids once again, along with meds I had taken in previous years. I am the not-so-proud, but very thankful owner, of a pill box, a walker, a shower chair, a handicap placard and a cammode. My meds range from 10-20 pills per day, not including my shot 1x per week. Although I am in a much better place now, I am still hoping for further progress and relief.


Amazing friends, amazing family...meals, groceries, lunches for girls, rides for the girls, playdates and sleepovers, rides to the doctor. Therapy, laundry, house cleaning, nights with the baby, flowers, letters, random phone calls, random visits, random service.

Some of the physical things that I appreciate much more now:
{Showering. Dressing. Driving. Hopping in and out of the car with ease. Moving about the house. Turning from side to side in the night. Getting up, getting down. Holding the baby. Changing his diaper. Doing the girls hair. Stepping down from the front doorway. Walking to Norah's bus stop, 2 house lengths. Picking the girls up from school. Sitting for longer than 5 minutes without terrible discomfort. Raising my arms. Using the bathroom alone. Taking the girls to soccer. Breathing fresh air.}


Sweet MOMENTS with family:
{Norah curled up at the base of the couch praying out loud, over and over again to make me better. Kirsi watching me from across the couch as I struggled and seeing her tears fall down her face, when I later noticed she was there. Adjusting my feet, my pillows, my blanket, etc... always willing, never complaining. Emma rubbing my feet with oils and sharing her thoughts of faith and hope for healing. Chad: reading me letters we've written to each other, during my darkest moments. Encouraging me to never give up. Staying positive. Sobbing when he realized for 2 days he had given me the wrong dose of med & potentially "prolonged my suffering". Taking care of all my needs, & our family.}


For someone who thrives on being independent, productive and active, it's essentially life-changing. I have been very humbled through this experience. A lesson of compassion and service, which I will never, ever forget. My journey with RA is not over. It is very much a part of my life and can dibilitate my physical quality... but should never define my worth. The hardest part: accepting this appendage and making the best of it.

What I know:
{Hope is real. Sorrow is heavy and can destroy. Faith is aligning yourself with God's will, no matter the measure. We all have trials. Jesus Christ is central. We are not alone. Never, ever, ever give up.}


It is good to be part of the living again!!

Back into School

The girls started school just after Micah was born...

KIRSI is now a BIG 6th grader and is her 6th grade class President. Her Parent/Teacher Conferences with 4 teachers took maybe 2 minutes. They all said she is FAB! She continues to achieve Principals List and is respected among her peers. Although she is sometimes bothered by the "Smarty pants" or "Goodie-Goodie" label, I'm glad that she remains to be self-motivated and loves school. I realize I have created a monster when I watch her perfectionism in play.

EMMA is in 4th grade now and has Kirsi's 4th grade teacher. She has decided that she really enjoys school and wants to do her very best. She earned principals list first quarter as well- the only one in her class, and is aiming for that once again. Emma has 3 sides to her at school. Very quiet, very silly or very stubborn. Thankfully she knows when it's appropriate to be any or all of these.

NORAH, my little girly caboose is in Kindergarten. Thankfully with a teacher we know and love, we chose to place her in half-day. I love being with her. It took quite the effort to walk her into her first day of class, but I was determined as I had been able to for the other children. She was very excited... anxious to be a big girl like her sisters. She is a good friend to others and has shown perfect grades.

I love my girls- they sure are amazing!!

Micah's Birth

{A new baby is a new beginning of things -wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities}

INTRO:
Induction was discussed near the end of the pregnancy, to help lessen the unknowns that might visit us during labor, due to my RA. Although I've often wondered what it might be like to actually go into labor on my own, all have been induced for various reasons, it's been nice knowing when we are having a baby. July 22nd was the set date, one week before my due date. 1pm is when I should arrive. We tried for am, but they were maxed out on scheduled inductions. At noon the hospital calls and says I can't come in, they are too busy and need to clear out a room, but will call back. Having prepared for this moment, and then denied, was a test of my patience. I went for a drive to keep my head clear and keep it together. Kmart was my destination, out of all the terrible forsaken places in Prescott Valley, but hey, I had a return. A man followed me in the store, a bit creepy, and then approached me and asked if I needed help. You see, I was driving a handicap cart, as my swelling and some RA were causing some difficulty being mobile. An occurrence just in the last week of pregnancy. He said, "You look like you are about ready maam. You must be having that baby soon." I replied, "Today in fact!" He paused to process it, I probably confused the guy a bit, and he replied "God Bless You. I will pray for you"

The birthing center calls and tells me I can head in after 4pm. (relief) We arrive at 4:30.

Some very familiar staff faces from previous hospital experiences and I am thinking this will likely be the last time I walk this walk, to the scale, to my room, in a gown, with a bag and a young, dapperly, handsome husband in tow. I soak it in... the halls, the details, the newness of the birthing center, the smiles, the nurses station, my room, my bed & bathroom and simultaneously bury the fload of emotions that race through me. After getting settled, the IV process begins. I had a fabulous Nurse Alison. She was very attentive & thorough. I was softened and 2cm dilated. My water has always been broken for me, at which labor progresses rather quickly, so to keep with uniformity, my doc broke water at 7pm. Holy gobs of water! No wonder the boy was soo busy and there was a knot in his chord! It just kept oozing and they commented on my stomach deflation as I emptied...This was now shift change, of course. Our new nurse was Amor. What a perfect name for the occassion. LOVED her.

My mother and the children arrive shortly after. As well as my father-in-law and mother-in-law, and Torie, with flowers, a balloon and peanut M&M's in hand. {my favorite, and they all knew this}

LABOR:

Contractions slowly progress at this time, not as quickly as previous labors. The question of an epidural was still unanswered. I had one 11 yrs. ago with my first, and didn't want another. But my body was different now and we were unsure how I would respond under the stress with RA. You see, it never did go into remission during pregnancy like most scenarios. (What if I shut down and I was unable to get the baby out, would it result in emerg-C?) The anesthesiologist was there for another and this was my time to decide. It was a struggle to say OK, but I did. I told everyone else, I would do it for them, and I wanted to feel what was happening. It was a great decision.

The kids and parents came in for some visits and head pops, but stayed in the waiting room, anticipating his arrival. Torie and Chad played cribbage to pass some of the slower time as contractions were progressing. My doctor had delivered 9 babies already that day, and he was pooped. C'mon, it was bed time already, so he was sleeping. Amor took awesome care of me and Torie got to assist in anything and everything. She was totally in her element as this is her passion and is a nursing student at this time. I loved having her there.

10 something pm, I began to push. It was time and the feeling was there. Anticipating that urge was worrysome, but I knew it when it came. I pushed for nearly an hour. I give my mother a hard time, & need to record that she popped in to check on things, it was getting later, the kids were very anxious, and she pointed to her watch and said "Gina, it is almost 11 pm! I paused and said really mom? Do you want to go? You can leave and take the kids home?" "No, no. It's just getting late and they are antsy. They are tired, but rambunxious" {So now I'm on the clock to have a baby... what?? Are you kidding me? MOTHER! "I'm pushing mom, I'm pushing..."} I had to get the little dude down and through the pelvic area. We turned from side to side and through contractions and tried to maneuver him through the best way possible. I loved being able to move and feel everything. The epidural was enough to keep the intensity at bay. Baby was crowning and I held the position. Dr. Feingold was called in, tattered hair, sleepy eyes, and quickly prepared to catch the slimy guy, he was my messiest. Under 6 hr. labor from start to finish. Not too bad.

11:10 pm, our SON was born. 8lbs. 9oz. My biggest baby of all.

A small whimper and he was happy and alert. The doc offers Chad the scissors and he said, "No thanks. I don't need to cut it." (I guess he's been there, done that... ok...) So he hands the scissors to Torie. She cuts the chord. After a few short minutes, parents and kids were called in, the curtain was closed while I was attended to and they were able to ooh and ahh at their new little guy under the warmer.

NORAH meeting Micah

All {smiles}. Kirsi was very emotional: relieved at mom and baby's safety & overcome with joy.

Micah & his 3 other mommies

Kirsi & Micah

Emma & micah

Norah & Micah

Norah, Nana & Micah

Jim, Kathy & Micah

Nurse Amor said it was one of the most controlled and smooth deliveries she had experienced. I was relieved. I was happy with my work. Pleased that we made it. And I thought to myself, "Good thing she wasn't at my last 2 labors. I was the poltergeist." But I'm sure my charts had me flagged ;)

2 nights and it was time to go home. Our work was done. The result was PERFECT!

Surgery...

This records as Chad's 5th surgery. The first three all attributed to the pacemaker. The fourth, an appendectomy, and finally, his right knee~ a torn meniscus.
He planned to do the surgery before the baby was born because we weren't sure what to expect following delivery, and he would be starting the Radiology program full-time. So, the plan was carried out 2 weeks prior. We've done surgery and baby before, w/in days, so it didn't seem to be a big deal.


The lovely CHAD after surgery, still coming out of anesthesia. ;D Which he hates by the way and I have come to find him very entertaining during these rare moments.

This was taken after he pulled the needle from his arm, tried to undress himself and all the while giving us many laughs as he pulls out of his woozy state.

Here is a recount of some of our conversation: If you can only imagine having the EXACT same conversation at least a dozen times- no exageration! Be sure to include attitude, anger, and a very confused man to the read. {Not my typical Chad as we know}

[Where am I? In recovery
Am I in the same room? No.
Where's my room? Across the hall.
Where's the door? In the other room (the slamming door that the surgery staff kept going in an out of while he was waiting for hours before surgery... it really bothered him.)
There's pressure on my arm. Thats the blood pressure cuff. I don't like it. It hurts.
How long have you been here? (time given)
I want to see it! OK (I uncover the blankets and it's wrapped in bandages. He throws his head back and moans)
I want to see it! I just showed it to you Chad. It's in a bandage. I WANT to see the bandage!
I hate this! (meaning anesthesia) I know hun.] *Repeat conversation for one hour...*

Nurse enters, same nurse as pre-op: Chad immediately drops his head and breathes fire right through her very being. His eyes follow her across the foot of his bed and he is NOT happy with her. Similar to this crusty face here...

Nurse: Chad, would you like some ice chips? Yes.
Why does my throat hurt? We were trying to put the tube in... {interupt} YOU put a tube in my throat? It burns.
Chad would you like some apple or cranberry juice? Apple. Ahh... it burns
He hears the conversation in the recovery stall next to him...
Why does he get water and I can only have ice or juice? Would you like some water? Yes.
Do you remember any other nurses Chad? Bobby Jean. Billy Jean- she corrects him. Oh, "Billy Jean" is a Michael Jackson song! Michael Jackson is DEAD.

I chuckle and the nurses stand behind him, waving at me to stop, and trying not to bust up, as to not upset the poor guy while he is still in a sensitive incoherent state of mind

One hour later: Let's try getting you dressed now. Why are they trying to get rid of me? They think I'm better? Ignoring their presence

Driving away... was I mean to the nurses again? Yes. Sigh, I feel bad.

Oh Belly!

I am a slacker and have many other things occupying my thoughts and my time for months now. This is one of those "things", believe it or not. Baby boy on the way, indeed! While the pregnancy itself has been wonderful, my other health issues have created some obstacles for us during this time. We are excited and eagerly await the arrival of our little dude.

I have been wanting to do belly shots for some time now, and procrastinated until the very end. I knew that if I didn't do this now I would regret it and so we went forward, with 13 days to spare ;) swollen, tired and ready, I am very glad I was able to capture what could be the end of this season for us.

All hands on deck!

I love this man. Seriously belly or ball right here?

So, we survived the photo shoot! Kids and all... Getting used to blue and ignoring the frills and ruffles has been an adjustment. Even more so when he's here I'm certain.

The big debate has been over the boy's name. Micah has always been our boys name. Chad decided that he couldn't name his son Micah when Emma had a little girl on her soccer team last season named Micah. He wants Orion, the constellation. His claim: He is the mighty hunter, so masculine and strong! Well, my interpretation of his story is quite different, as some versions claim he fled from the Scorpion in battle but was chased and killed. How mighty is that? Poll is my maiden name, pronounced like Doll, and I was hoping to use it for a middle. BUT, Orion has grown on me a bit and he might just be our Micah Orion.

Summer Visitors

So, before the weather turned cold and we were doing lovely progress in the yard, we had a few visitors.

1st visitor:

Chad calls for Norah, "Norah, lunch is ready!"

Norah: She starts climbing the stairs,"Coming Dad!"

Gina:{Grabs camera!}

This is her face...


And this is Why...

*First confused, then disgusted, then Upset!*

Norah: "I'm not eating that Dad! You can't eat Scorpions. They're poisonous."

Chad: "Yes, but you CAN! Eat up, it's good protein!"

Norah: "No, I don't want that! That's disgUsting. (Emphasis on the 'u') I thought you were

going to make me peanut butter?! I'm not eating that!

{Scorpion found, scorpion captured, scorpion dropped into boiling water- Chad's demising method, Scorpion frozen in cup of water, Scorpion stabbed with knife as it was thawing by Emma, the ice and "bug" lover, doesn't really qualify does it? (I think she even named it. I don't remember the name. I will have to ask her...) Scorpion thawed out, and Scorpion served for LUNCH! What an exciting way to leave it's life.} One of a handful of scorpions this summer.

She eventually got her favorite, PB& HOney!

2nd Visitor:

I was pulling into the driveway after a full-days busy thingys... I saw something in the driveway and it look like a rock or lump of something. I was a bit curious. I parked in the garage, went inside. We had a visitor. I remembered I saw something and wanted to check it out. I stepped around the corner of the house and spotted THIS:

Me: "Girls come see what I found!"- tough find I know...

With excitement they run outside. Emma grabs it right away.

Starts to pet it, talk to it, name it... Everyone wants a close-up and a few minutes later...

Emma: "AHHHHHHH!!! (squeel, shriek, jump and bounce.) It peed on me! The toad peed on me!"

To Emma my creature lover... yes, God's creations are fascinating and wonderfull. You mess with them, they can and may pee (or worse) on you.

*The next evening we found a family of toads around front. They just so happen to be attracted to our new lovely grass. {Did I say GRASS?}

{Three White Dresses}

Once upon a time there were 3 little girls, all cousins in fact, who waited the summer months to get baptized together...

On July 25th, 2009...Darby, Emma and Carly were baptized! In that order...

Darby, born in May, Emma born in June and Carly born in July, have been grouped together since birth for photos through their milestones.

Aunt Erica sewed Emma's beautiful dress. Each of the girls picked a colored sash to help them have a bit of their own personality included. Emma was agua, while Darby chose lt. blue and Carly, a lavender purple.

Miss Amy made CUTE dress cookies which we displayed on the table with a sign-in and photos of the girls together over the years. Now when all was said and done, the cookies went home with the girls, were eaten, and I realized later that I never did capture the adorable white dress cookies for Emma to remember. Soo, thanks to cute Amy (and onecutecookie.net), she made me another set for photo purposes, not to mention a sweet snack later.

*Emma and I took a trip to Fain Park in Prep for the baptism and captured her in her beautiful eyelet dress with aqua. She had all eyes on her from all the passer-bys and was enjoying every bit of her photo shoot.* The night before her baptism, Emma says to me, "I am so excited Mom! I can't wait until tomorrow!" I ask her "why" wanting to hear her response and she says, "because all my sins will be washed away and I will be clean".

Darby, the first one in the water, comes out of the water and lets the others know that "it's not cold, it's warm guys..."

Emma, baptized by her father, aka "Rad-Bad-Daddy-Chad-Wesley-Steverson"

In the changing room, the girls were giddy and very excited. Emma told me how happy she felt and was very grateful for the chance to be baptized.

Steverson family photos were part of the occassion, and thanks to Ruthanne, we were able to capture some priceless shots of the girls...

...Twirling in their white dresses...

After being baptized, the three girls sang "Follow His Light". I wish I had a video. They sang with such conviction... their spirits and their desire to do right, is a reminder and a testimony of their perfect faith in Christ. I would love to listen to them every single day- what power music can offer us, especially music from our own children.

A beautiful video "What Heaven Sees in You" we had k.b. put together for us for girl's camp, we showed at the baptism as well.

Emma came in the room tonight and grins from ear to ear when she sees that I am posting her baptism, and says, "I am glad you are my mom"- and grabs me and burries her head with a big bear hug.